Thursday, November 26, 2015

My little one

To My Little One,

As soon as I see the word 'pregnant' on the test I rub my tummy tenderly and say 'hello baby, I'm your mummy'. Such happiness and excitement fills my heart. I go show your dad, he smiles. Instantly we fall in love with you. I tell your brother about you, he is too young to really understand but I already know the two of you will be the best of friends.

The day goes on, we continue to live normally, however I'm different, I have you growing inside of me. Little do I know I'll never be the same again. I've found a part of my heart that I never knew existed. It's the part that was waiting for you.

As the day goes on I find myself smiling to myself. I can't believe I have you! I let myself day dream. I wonder if you're boy or girl. Oh imagine if you're a girl, you'll be the prettiest little thing! I go through girls names, quietly compiling a list in my head. But what if you're a boy! I wonder if you'll like sport like your dad. You'll be a Blues boy for sure! We can have family outings to the football. What fun we will have. I begin to imagine the mischief you would get into with your brother, my goodness, I will have my hands full, but I cannot wait.

As I lay in bed at night, I wonder what school you'll go to. Will you excel at school and then go to university. I wonder. Before that I best get prepared for you as a baby! What will I need to buy? Oh I wonder what your labour will be like? I really hope it is better than my first. I wonder if you'll look like your dad or me. I bet you'll have curly hair! I can't wait to meet you, see you and kiss you. I fall asleep thinking about you.

The next morning comes around, I get up to get ready for work. It doesn't take long for me to realise I'm losing you. No, no, no, no, please don't leave. I make a doctors appointment, the test comes back as positive, I am pregnant but both the doctor and I know you will never be placed in my arms.

No matter how much I will for you to stay, you can't. You're gone and you've taken a piece of my heart with you.

I love you little one, forever.

Your mummy xx

"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap and tell them about You, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap and tell them about me?"

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