I was meant to go back on Monday however, both Toby and I have been very sick. Because of the sickness I couldn't do daycare orientation for a couple of weeks. Not what I had planned. This was not how it was meant to happen. The doctor had given me Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off. On Wednesday the doctor gave Toby the all clear. I took him into daycare on the Wednesday afternoon as I was heading back to work on the Thursday. We went into the room and I sat with him for a while and then the staff kicked me out and made me a coffee. Around 20 minutes later Toby was brought to me as he was crying his little heart out. Broke my heart, the tears started.
Wednesday night I went home and prepared Toby's bag and my bag. I wrote long notes to the daycare to tell them what Toby eats, how he goes to sleep and other bits and pieces. I did a check list for Jay too. I crawled into bed at 1230am and silently cried myself to sleep. I knew I would be a working mum but I always thought I would stay home till my baby was 12 months old. It just hasn't worked out that way, so we will all have to adjust.
My alarm went off Thursday morning at 6am. I dragged myself out of bed. I quickly got myself ready, got Toby and my breakfast organised and then woke Tobes up at 630. Gave him a breastfeed and then gave him to his daddy to feed him his solids. It was weetbix so I am very happy to hand that over!! I left the house around 720am. Drove through Macca's and got myself a coffee. That is my daily indulgence, a nice coffee. Mainly, so I don't fall asleep!!!
I got to work just before 8am. I held back my tears all the way and even at work I was ok. It wasn't until I saw one of my close friends that the tears fell and I couldn't stop them. I missed my baby. My boy. My world. My heart was breaking and the tears were an expression of this. I am crying now writing this! All of my work colleagues were so supportive, I work with such great people (y'all know who you are!). The first thing I did when I got to work was put up photo's of my boy so I can look at him and show him off to the world!
My photo board at work
Toby stayed with his daddy all morning. Jay does a great job with him, feeds him, puts him to bed and even changes nappies. I am blessed. Out of all this I think this is such a positive, dad and son are going to have such a strong bond. At 1130am Jay took him to daycare. Poor Jay gets the hard job, the drop off. I think this proved to be harder for Jay than what he imagined. I called the daycare not long after Jay left and Toby was ok. I think he plays happily then remembers I am not there and has a little cry. He ate his lunch, had a 1.5 hour sleep and did not get into a state like he did Wednesday. I was so relieved. I picked him up at 3pm, I walked in and he burst into tears. Again, which started my tears! As soon as he was in my arms he was ok. We came home and had some quality mummy and baby time.
Today was a bit harder for him. There were 10 other kids in the room today, so a bit more noisy. He doesn't like noise, hopefully he will adjust soon. He did well, again. I am so proud of my boy. He is such a champion. I wanna wake him up and hug him now!!!! It was a bit better for me, except he woke at 530 so my day began very early. I still cried saying goodbye but once I was at work I was ok. I picked him up today at 315, he'd been there 4 hours. He will only ever be there for 5 hours so he did super well. Afterwards we went out for a coffee together.
Toby having coffee with me this afternoon. Very happy boy!
My life is going to be busy. It starts at 6am (unless he wakes early!) and Toby goes to bed at 830pm. Between those hours I really don't stop! Once he is in bed I have chores to do, lunches to make and then try and get some early nights! Doubt that'll happen! I really want to try and keep the weekends free so that we have quality time as a family. Even if I just sit and play with Toby all day, just give him a couple of days without me having to do heaps of other things.
One thing that is making it a little easier is that I have found a fantastic daycare for him. The director is lovely, the staff members are lovely and its got a great vibe. Anyone in my area looking for a daycare let me know! I cannot recommend them highly enough. What is also great is that Jay was able to move his shifts around so he can look after Toby every morning. Its all worked out really well. Hopefully Toby will have settled down in a couple of weeks and he can start to enjoy playing with the other kids.
I knew going back to work was going to be hard, but I didn't realise how hard. But no matter what my son is constantly on my mind and thoughts. I love him and miss him more than any words could express.
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