Before I had a child I always knew I would never be a full time, stay at home mum. I always imagined that I would be at home for a year or so and then I would be going back to work. Everyone told me I would feel different when I had a baby, I didn't really believe them. Now I have Toby, I adore him he has my heart in his palm. Since Toby was born I have only been away from him for 10 or so hours, not much at all. I love being with him, I love that he loves being with me.
How on earth am I going to go back to work and leave him??
This question has been running around in my head for months. It has kept me awake at night and caused many tears. Several months ago I went and looked at some daycare centres, hoping that there would be a very long waiting list and I would have to take more time off!! There wasn't, pretty much every centre we went to had available places in their baby rooms. I found a centre I liked. Well I didn't think any was good enough for my son, who can care for him better than me? No one. I couldn't bury my head in the sand, I put his name down.
Jay needed to reorganise his work timetable. He was moved to the afternoon shift so he could look after Toby in the morning. Toby would only be in daycare for 5 hours a day and be sleeping for 2 of those hours. I was ok with that, it wasn't too long and I am glad Toby and his dad get to spend time together. It still doesn't help me, I am still going to be away from him for 9 hours a day. I miss him when he goes to bed, how am I going to cope? The daycare centre phone number will be in my speed dial, thats for sure!
I have to constantly remind myself of the positives. Toby will get to socialise with other children, he will be fed and cared for. He will be ok. I also need to keep reminding myself of the bigger picture, we are doing this for our family. Every mum has to do what is best for her family and this is what is best for mine.
All week we have been going in for orientation. I am determined to make Toby really comfortable with the carers and the room. Here he is today, outside watching the other kids run around!
For those mums who are thinking that I am doing the wrong thing, or that I shouldn't have had kids if I was just going to put him into daycare. My heart is breaking enough as it is, your judgements don't help but your support will. We are all just doing our best!
To those mum who have to go back to work, I know how you are feeling, be strong xx
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