Working Mum

It's begun, I am back at work, I am officially a working mum. I really don't know how to be a working mum.

I was meant to go back on Monday however, both Toby and I have been very sick. Because of the sickness I couldn't do daycare orientation for a couple of weeks. Not what I had planned. This was not how it was meant to happen. The doctor had given me Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off. On Wednesday the doctor gave Toby the all clear. I took him into daycare on the Wednesday afternoon as I was heading back to work on the Thursday. We went into the room and I sat with him for a while and then the staff kicked me out and made me a coffee. Around 20 minutes later Toby was brought to me as he was crying his little heart out. Broke my heart, the tears started.

Wednesday night I went home and prepared Toby's bag and my bag. I wrote long notes to the daycare to tell them what Toby eats, how he goes to sleep and other bits and pieces. I did a check list for Jay too.  I crawled into bed at 1230am and silently cried myself to sleep. I knew I would be a working mum but I always thought I would stay home till my baby was 12 months old. It just hasn't worked out that way, so we will all have to adjust.

My alarm went off Thursday morning at 6am. I dragged myself out of bed. I quickly got myself ready, got Toby and my breakfast organised and then woke Tobes up at 630. Gave him a breastfeed and then gave him to his daddy to feed him his solids. It was weetbix so I am very happy to hand that over!! I left the house around 720am. Drove through Macca's and got myself a coffee. That is my daily indulgence, a nice coffee. Mainly, so I don't fall asleep!!!

I got to work just before 8am. I held back my tears all the way and even at work I was ok. It wasn't until I saw one of my close friends that the tears fell and I couldn't stop them. I missed my baby. My boy. My world. My heart was breaking and the tears were an expression of this. I am crying now writing this! All of my work colleagues were so supportive, I work with such great people (y'all know who you are!). The first thing I did when I got to work was put up photo's of my boy so I can look at him and show him off to the world!

My photo board at work

Toby stayed with his daddy all morning. Jay does a great job with him, feeds him, puts him to bed and even changes nappies. I am blessed. Out of all this I think this is such a positive, dad and son are going to have such a strong bond. At 1130am Jay took him to daycare. Poor Jay gets the hard job, the drop off. I think this proved to be harder for Jay than what he imagined. I called the daycare not long after Jay left and Toby was ok. I think he plays happily then remembers I am not there and has a little cry. He ate his lunch, had a 1.5 hour sleep and did not get into a state like he did Wednesday. I was so relieved. I picked him up at 3pm, I walked in and he burst into tears. Again, which started my tears! As soon as he was in my arms he was ok. We came home and had some quality mummy and baby time.

Today was a bit harder for him. There were 10 other kids in the room today, so a bit more noisy. He doesn't like noise, hopefully he will adjust soon. He did well, again. I am so proud of my boy. He is such a champion. I wanna wake him up and hug him now!!!! It was a bit better for me, except he woke at 530 so my day began very early. I still cried saying goodbye but once I was at work I was ok. I picked him up today at 315, he'd been there 4 hours. He will only ever be there for 5 hours so he did super well. Afterwards we went out for a coffee together.

Toby having coffee with me this afternoon. Very happy boy!

My life is going to be busy. It starts at 6am (unless he wakes early!) and Toby goes to bed at 830pm. Between those hours I really don't stop! Once he is in bed I have chores to do, lunches to make and then try and get some early nights! Doubt that'll happen! I really want to try and keep the weekends free so that we have quality time as a family. Even if I just sit and play with Toby all day, just give him a couple of days without me having to do heaps of other things.

One thing that is making it a little easier is that I have found a fantastic daycare for him. The director is lovely, the staff members are lovely and its got a great vibe. Anyone in my area looking for a daycare let me know! I cannot recommend them highly enough. What is also great is that Jay was able to move his shifts around so he can look after Toby every morning. Its all worked out really well. Hopefully Toby will have settled down in a couple of weeks and he can start to enjoy playing with the other kids.

I knew going back to work was going to be hard, but I didn't realise how hard. But no matter what my son is constantly on my mind and thoughts. I love him and miss him more than any words could express.

Milestones

I never thought I would be so obsessed with this one word; 'Milestones'. While pregnant and since Toby was born I have been worried about his development. Worried about a disability, particularly Autism since it is in my family. Since Toby was born I have been obsessed by these milestones, the skills the medical fraternity expects your child to be doing at each age. Every time Toby turns another month older, I check what he should be doing tick off the list. He has been pretty good, he has met most of the milestones.

He is due for his 8 month check up soon so I had a look in my green medical records folder to see what he should be doing and I read this: "speak to the maternal health nurse if your baby is not yet rolling over" Ok, I started stressing, Toby hasn't really been rolling over, eeeek! Another milestone he hasn't quite reached is the babbling and saying mummm mummm mummm and dadda dad dada. I have seen other babies his age doing this but not my boy.

Over the past couple of weeks these two factors have been playing on my mind. I really wasn't prepared for the constant worry and concern you have when you have a child! To try and help Toby along I put him on his tummy a lot more and I am constantly saying "mum mum mum dad dad dad" to him. As of yesterday he has been rolling, I can't keep him on his tummy any more and he has rolled from back to tummy a couple of times when I wasn't looking. He doesn't really like it on his tummy so I understand why he doesn't roll that way much. Then today, I heard the sweetest sound coming from Toby, he was saying dad dad dad. I would have preferred it to be mum mum but hey, I'll take it! Here a video taken while we were out today:

He was very tired, hence the whinging!

Now I don't know if he has suddenly started reaching these milestones because of what I have done, or if he was just ready. The professionals have their checklist of what babies should be doing but they don't take the individual personalities into consideration. Toby is quiet, he is not a loud baby or one that babbles all day, so maybe he will be a bit slower in reaching these talking milestones. Toby is a big baby and honestly, he can't be bothered doing anything he doesn't have to (just like his daddy!) so maybe thats why he is late in rolling.

I know the maternal health nurses serve a great purpose and I appreciate that they have to tell us the hard stuff at times (like when Toby wasn't gaining enough weight!). I don't really know where the line is between being told your child is behind and telling the mum that all babies are different and he/she will reach these milestones when they are ready, it's a tough one. I just wish they wouldn't freak new mums out so much. I know many of my friends have been unnecessarily worried about their baby because of a maternal health nurse.

So to all the mums out there worried about milestones, I hear ya! I hope all our babies get there when they are good and ready and not when the green book says they should be!!